Bloody Wall

So our facilities people were going to paint the office this week, but when they went to strip the wall paper off the building started screaming like mad and bleeding. They immediately stopped pulling off the paper, but the building still cried for hours. Sadly one of our more clumsy employees was walking by the above pictured spot with a class of freshly squeezed lemonade when... well.

The Community for the Humane Treatment and Eventual Liberation of All Walls and Ceilings, the CHTELAWC, has filed suit against our department on behalf of the wall. Technically I'm not supposed to talk to the public about it, but I say to heck with the man. The people have the right to know.

Yellow

I think I've decided to hate yellow on me. That or fat. Because one of the two of them is making me look fat, and it's making me angry.

I kept a steady 155 lbs for 6 years and suddenly I balloon up to 165 for no apparent reason. Out of now where, after I quit exercising, starting eating chocolate like it was required, and stopped drinking water, and started drinking Mountain Dews, out of now where I gained 10 pounds. For no reason!

So I'm blaming my yellow fat sweater.

Glorious Reality

Oh, but even the very best writers can not conjure up the magic that the mundane world throws at us daily.

Here are the highlights of an article I read in the paper today:
*****
LAWRENCEBURG, Ky. — Two central Kentucky men were sentenced to probation in connection with a bizarre case in which a third man said he was forced to eat his beard after an argument. 47-year-old Troy Holt and 51-year-old James Hill were sentenced Tuesday in Anderson Circuit Court.

Harvey Westmoreland of Lawrenceburg had said Holt cut off his beard and forced him to eat it while Hill allegedly held a sickle blade to Westmoreland and his brother during the May incident.

Holt could not say why he made Westmoreland eat his beard other than that things "got out of control" after some heavy drinking.

He added, "I ain't got no excuses about what I done."
*****

My word! What in the name of the Lord did you INTEND to happen, entering a bar with a sickle? At what point did your plan deviate from it's original goal?

Man, I love this world we live in. Just when you think the water is safe Giant Squid are real. And just when you think beards are making a comeback...

Confidence

You know you have no style when you ask your wife, "How does this look?" And she says, "Well, it's not terrible."

It makes you wonder... is it normally terrible?

Sigh

Why did the 80s have to end?

Always an alternative.

So unfortunately Rebecca has to go to the urologist. Last night she read on line some of the basic things that are done at a urologist, such as "tapping" the bladder, getting sterile samples, and generally poking and prodding. So I suggested that she go to the Bladder Whisperer. He just puts his face down in your "lap" and talks to it. But it isn't just talking, he listens too. He's a good listener... to crotches. Then after some discourse he diagnoses whatever ails you. His rate of accuracy is almost 50%.

It's a different kind of discomfort, but in certain situations, perhaps a suitable one.

Rebecca did not think this suggestion was helpful.