Tom Cruise is a Dream Liar

Tom Cruise is a dream liar.

I don’t remember where or when exactly the dream began and I don’t know where exactly I was… you know how dreams go, they flow in an out of plot lines and they jump from places you’ve been to places that have never existed in time.  Suffice it to stay the dream started before the portion I am relaying to you and takes place somewhere I’ve never been.

And Tom Cruise was flirting pretty heavily with me.  

Tom is not really my type, being that he’s not a vaginated person, but I admit I was flattered.  He was trying to persuade me to do a stunt with him that involved me hanging on to the side of a building and him pulling me up to safety.  He assured me that he had done the stunt countless times and that I would enjoy the rush of adrenalin from it.  He kept putting his hand on my shoulder and looking into my eyes.  I thought he was going to lean in for a kiss.  I can’t remember if I wanted him to.  The hetero-awake me says that I absolutely did not want this.  But the dream me plays loosey-goosey with gender roles and I really think that me was being wooed by Mr. Cruise.  I called him Tom in the dream.  Tom asked me to.  That was part of the dream I left out.  By this point we were already close.

So the deal was this.  I would hang onto the side of a fake building.  Tom would hold out his hand for me to grab and I would.  Then he would use his superior upper body strength to pull me over the ledge and into his arms.

He was very reassuring.  He kept saying things like, “I’ll be there for you,” and “You’ll be perfectly safe,” and “Nothing can go wrong,” and “I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”  I got the feeling he was starting to care for me as much as I did for him.  He was really winning me over.

I was hooked.  What did I have to lose?  Tom had it all under control.  So I jumped on the ledge and immediately everything was awful.

The instant I made contact with the wall a close, personal friend of Tom’s walked up and began talking with him.  Tom hugged him and they laughed and patted each other on the shoulders.  Who was this guy?  Those were my shoulder pats!  This bozo was stealing my dream Tom.  Meanwhile I was losing my grip.

It turns out hanging onto a ledge is a very difficult thing to do.  I don’t know how good I am at it in reality, but in the dream world I suck.  I called to Tom and he held out the “just-a-minute-finger” that parents give to kids when the adults are talking.  I slipped a little.

So I looked down at the ground, which had up until seconds ago been a story or two away, and it was like 9 stories below.  I freak out and called to Tom again.  He wagged the just-a-minute-finger in case I didn’t see it before.  Then he and his home-wrecker buddy laughed again.  What a piece of shit that guy was.  Not Tom.  At that moment Tom was still my would-be savior.  I hadn’t lost hope just yet.  But I had just about lost my grip.

I slipped a little more.  I was now bound to the ledge – and to my life – by only the tips of my 8 fingers.  Things looked bad.  

“Tom!” I called.  He apparently was done with his affair because as I was losing my grip his hand appeared from over the ledge and grabbed mine.  But his grip was poor and nothing more than fingers grabbing fingers; his wait-just-a-minute fingers and my too-late-I’m-falling-fingers.  And those fingers didn’t agree on whether I was safe or doomed.

I looked into Tom’s heroic eyes, but they did not gleam as they had earlier.  Their confidence was clouded by doom; by worry.  He knew his grip was not true.  

And I slipped.

And I fell to my death.

Actually, I didn’t.  I’ve never died in a dream.  I don’t believe that really happens.  I’ve nearly died in many dreams, but things always happen to save me.  If I’m underwater and running out of breath, I suddenly remember that I’ve always been able to breathe under water.  If I’m falling, I suddenly remember I can fly or float.  If I’m being shot or stabbed, I suddenly remember that I’m not in a dream with guns or knives.  And if the reality altering machine is broken, I just wake up.

In this dream the reality altering machine worked.  Tom and I lost our grip on each other and I plummeted.  I looked into his horrified eyes and I dropped to my certain doom.  But after two or three stories my descent slowed considerably.  I was still falling, just not very quickly.  Instead of dropping to my doom Tom had to watch in horror as I dropped 9 stories to my broken ankles.

Then I woke up.

Tom Cruise is a dream liar.

I’ve been to sleep like four times since that dream and he hasn’t shown up to apologize.

Project Progress

Progress

Ok, I’ve made some progress on some projects that I never told you about.  So here goes:

I finally finished the Dark Link sword that I told my son I would paint.

Actually, I’m not technically done.  I’m done enough that Cole is satisfied, but I’d like to add some silver trim to the handle.

I did this Elvis Costello cup:

And I am about to finally finish a beat sheet for an animation called Survival Shorts.  I’ve been tossing the idea around in my head for the last three years or so.  Then last month I saw that Frederator Studios – producers of cartoons like: Adventure Time, Bee and Puppycat, Fairly Odd Parents and Bravest Warriors – were accepting animation ideas.  So I thought, why not.  I could submit this little toon.  I’m not doing anything with it.  And who knows? I might be able to submit some pics of it later.

I know that NONE of these accomplishment were on the open projects list, but that’s how things go with me.  I’m awful.  You need to know this.

The Soft Ninja

The Soft Ninja has prioritized your report. 

These reports are going to be the death of me. Day by day my job gets less tolerable. I can take a lot of shit at a job. I'm pretty laid back. But I should have seen the writing on the wall when they disabled the Reversi on all of the office computers. 

Frustrations mounting

What a mess.  A dozen titans showed up on my doorstep two weeks ago demanding attention, lest they destroy my world.  I’m still dealing with some of them, but I’ve managed to placate the majority.

Federal reporting is always a giant, but hither to I have managed to do it without much trouble.  I have certain programs set aside specifically for this event that make it fast and easy with the added bonus that my boss and his boss both think that I have some special gift for this job.  But this quarter we threw the machine in a vat of monkey wrenches.  I’m still pulling them out, one at a time, attempting to fix all of the stupid issues.  I think I’m down to just one or two wrenches left.

My kids went back to school.  That usually relieves a parent of a source of frustration, but not this year.  The school my son goes to decided that they were going to deny his transfer that they approved at the end of last year.  It’s technically up to the principal’s discretion, but why deny something you already approved?  So I had to appeal the decision.  Meanwhile, my son had to go to a different school.  

“Should I bother making friends?” he asked.  

“Well, yes,” I said.  “We don’t know how long the transfer will take.” 

“But I don’t want to get close to these kids and then have to leave them.”

Though concepts for a kid.  As adults we go to these places for week long conventions or business trips and we accept that this person we are about to have a conversation with we will never see again.  But we are cordial just in case the network connection proves useful.  Adults are so cynical.

And then there is my insurance company.  After almost 2 decades of marriage and over 15 years with kids my insurance company decided it no longer believes my kids or my wife are legit.  Now I have to prove they are mine.  My kids were born ON THIS INSURANCE!  How can they deny they are mine?  YOU DUMBASSES PAID FOR THEIR BIRTHS!

And the one brilliant titian that made the rest easy to handle.  I finally found a legit company that I can make my cartoon pitches to!  I’m so friggin excited.  I am almost done with my first.  I’ll keep you people posted.

Drawin's n Such

The Soft Ninja never wanted to be the Soft Ninja. 

This week is crazy busy. I'm doing federal reporting bee S for the job I don't want, putting together some packages for the job I DO want (I'll share later) and my puppies went back to school. 

But, I still managed a Soft Ninja for your enjoyment. 

The Soft Ninja

The Soft Ninja lies in wait and farts in your elevator. You deserve it. 

Ok, this isn't the best drawing or the best caption. But I've spent most of the week working on animation and getting the kids ready for school. So this is what's I gots. 

Test Animation

https://youtu.be/tU35GDJR6LM

This was primarily a test to see the transition from walking to running. The transition is ok, but the running is weak. 

Any thoughts?

The List of Projects Unfinished

Dear readers (me): Don’t let a few completed 20 second animations fool you into believing that I get shit done.  I am the king of unfinished projects.  This is not a self-assigned title, probably.   Oh no.

It was the fall of 2009.  I had never even heard of the land of Unfinished Projectia, but I had always had this deep rooted feeling that I was better than everyone else.  Not you, reader. We are equals. But everyone else!  Forget about the fact that there is no evidence to support this, or even anyone else who believes it – not even my mother.  I knew, deep down that it was true, and that I was destined to be important some day.

Long story short, 35 years prior I was born to the King and Queen of Unfinished Projectia.  The evil wizard turned my mother into a worm and my father into a pile of dog poo and he cursed the kingdom into perpetual unfinisheditude.  I was put in a basket and sent floating down the river.  I was seen by scores of childless women desperate for a baby to raise, but apparently, given ample opportunity and full knowledge that I would one day be king, they all passed on the opportunity to raise me.  I eventually found my way to Georgia, USA where my parents adopted me and then by some accident came to earnestly believe that I was their natural child.  Also, apparently our DNA is a perfect match.  Whatever.  Now I seek for a fairy godmother or elf or some magical folk to assist me in breaking this spell so that I can take my rightful place as king of Unfinished Projectia and actually finish some stuff.

I have no proof of any of this save my certainty that it is true.  And the fact that I never finish anything, which I am told is circumstantial “at best.”

 

On to the LIST OF PROJECTS UNFINISHED:

1.       Fret the Runner

You’ve met Fret in previous posts.  This is a small project.  I’d like to finish it by Halloween.  I will probably succeed.

2.       The Soft Ninja collection

This is exactly what it sounds like; a collection of previously drawn and new Soft Ninja comics into a comprehensive book with narrative.  I’ve done precious little work on compiling.  Current estimated finish date: Spring 2017.

3.       Submit the Soft Ninja to a syndicate group for consideration as a daily or weekly comic.

Again, this is what it sounds like, except that this does not require any new drawings or any narrative order.  Estimated finish date: December 2016.

4.       When We Summoned the Dark Lord

This is a fun Halloween poem I wrote a few years back that I’ve always wanted to animate.  It shouldn’t take a ton of work to do, but it will require dedication.  I’d like to have it this Halloween.

5.       Birds and the Bees

This is a story that I wrote a buzillion years ago that I’d like to arrange in a picture book.  I actually started this a while back.  I estimate it will require about 20 – 30 pictures.  The story is very short and, while funny, none too deep.  The goal here was for the pictures to be the real star of the book.  I had about 7 done, but they probably all need to be scrapped at this point.

6.       The Blank

The Blank is a cartoon concept I developed about 3 years ago.  I’ve been adding to it ever since.  I have the script for about ten 5 minute episodes.  My goal isn’t to animate these.  I don’t think I have the chops for it.  For this project my goal is to have enough concept art and background developed to pitch it to a cartoon studio – television or internet based.  I think I can have a pitchable product by January 2017.

7.       Tortoise of Courtoise

This is a very short video that the kids and I did about two years ago.  I’m so bad at dropping projects just before they finish that this one is fully recorded.  It seriously only needs to be edited.  I could have this done in a weekend if I’d just friggin’ do it.  I’ll be realistic and say I’d like to have this one done by October 2016.

8.       Binge Eating

Another kid video.  Almost completely recorded.  It could theoretically be done in a weekend.  Again, October 2016.

9.       All My Friends Are Belong to Dead

Another kid vid.  Sadly, the recording of this one was begun some 3 years ago.  Both of my kids are much bigger than they once were.  So now I have to decide should I finish it with kids as they are now and make it a joke that they’ve grown so.  Or scrap it.  Approx finish date Nov/Dec 2016.

10.   XGXoblins

I don’t want to give the actual title or many details about this book.  The project is still in flux and the idea is good.  I’m not saying it that stealable an idea, but I don’t want to take chances.  It’s a special project to me.  Anyway, it’s a book.  It probably can’t be done before Spring 2017.

 

In case you think that this list is way too large and can never be realized, rest assured, dear reader, the actual list is much longer.  I’m revealing the list gradually to lessen the shock.

I will reveal more of the list and more detail about each project later.  If you have any advice or suggestions please share!  And if you have any votes on which projects should get more immediate attention please share that as well!

Crap! I just remembered:

11. Fight Scene with character. 

This is for my son, Cole. As I mentioned before, I'm teaching him to animate. He's really into Dragon Ball Z, so he wants me to help him make a fight arena with s couple of fighters. Since this is a kid it is a priority. But since Cole has a new computer game that he is in love with it is a secondary priority. 

Fret the Runner update

Here is the main background for Fret the Runner. This took me about 3 hours to do. 

And here Dracula sneaks up on Fret. You can see the graves blurring as Fret begins to run. 

I did animate about 20 seconds of this, but there was a glitch with his eyes I'll have to fix. If you have Instagram you can see part of it here:

https://instagram.com/p/BIl_OZoAf7a/

But I will fix the issues and post it tomorrow. 

PS: this 20 second vid is not a finished product. It is just an animation and design test. 

The Soft Ninja

The Soft Ninja is not a project in an if himself. He is a character I created in an exceedingly boring meeting a few years back.  I have several projects brewing for him, but mostly he is just a go to subject for pictures I want to illustrate. 

Here are some Soft Ninja pictures with texts from the last year:

After years of training and practice the Soft Ninja still does not have the Mac and Cheese recipe memorized. 

The Soft Ninja takes a mental vacation to conference call island. 

The Soft Ninja thought your vacation ended next week.  

Fret the Runner

PROJECT NOTICE: Fret the Runner

I have succeeded in addicting my kids to art. My daughter draws and my son wants to animate. So I've gotten back into animation in an effort to teach him. Of course, this was easy since I love it. 

Fret the Runner is a short animation I hope to finish by Halloween. Here are some of the characters and props I've created for it:

And here is a test animation I did last night. 

https://youtu.be/pCVoPt2UuGc

The Once and Future Blog

Ok, so I wasn’t really knocked out by a troll and I didn’t really spend the last five years in a coma.  I know that story was completely believable, but the truth is I just abandoned this blog.

When I first started this blog I had very little kids and an unshakable desire to be a writer.  Well, the desire to write never left, but the kids kinda grew up.  Little babies cry a lot and you can ignore them some, but eventually you do have to feed them and change their diapers.  As they grow, however, they become adept at getting all up in your business – including reading your blog posts that really aren’t appropriate for young eyes.  And, truth be told, as I am a child myself, I played with them.  And I got carried away playing with them.  This is the primary reason my blogging stopped.

Well, that’s not all.  I definitely took breaks because of my kids, but, my wife’s disability also reached a breaking point and we lost our home.  That’s not funny, but it is true.  Then she had to have surgery and there was a two year recovery from that.  Currently we live in my parents’ basement while my wife recovers and my kids get old enough to not want to play with me or care about what I’m writing.

And also there is the fact that all of my social networking at work got me written up.  As BS as that is, it’s also true.  No one seemed to care that I always submitted my reports on time.  Apparently it was thought that I could be turning them in more on-time-ier.

So, my beautiful kids, family stuff and work stuff put the kibosh on my blogging.

But I didn’t lie dormant.  I just found other means to social network.  Since quitting the blog I started a Deviant Art account, an Instgram, Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter accounts.  Now my social networking needs a real hub for me to keep everything under control.

And finally, my art needs to be held accountable.  So that’s what I’m going to do here.

Hence forth this blog will be where I

A.      Do my casual fun writing

B.      Keep track of all of my other social media*

C.      Keep track of all of my outstanding art projects.

*I will not post all of my Facebook posts here as Facebook is more for my family.  I also will not post all of my Twitter posts here since I suck at Twitter and half of what I post is some reaction to something someone else said and that would get super annoying for any blog readers.