Kevin Smith big and Kevin Smith little
Kevin Smith had two bit parts in my dream last night. He played them simultaneously; one as Kevin
Smith before he lost the weight, the other as Kevin Smith now (after weight
loss). They were walking side by side in
my dream.
So, in my dream sharks could swim underground. Every now and then they’d swim up to the
surface of the ground and eat someone. After
a while people figure out that the sharks could detect and locate humans by the
sound and shock waves made by our walking.
In case you are thinking this plot sounds a lot like Tremors, you are
correct. I admit, my brain was not
terribly creative last night, so it ripped-off an old, but awesome B movie. But don’t judge me, Hollywood is way
worse. You know good and well you are
planning on seeing Avengers 24 or Saw 19 or Aliens Recovenanted Again 2.
Anyway, I was walking through a parking lot with a large
group of people; my two kids, some others I knew, some I did not; when we hear
this sound from below. A person from the group I don’t know – we’ll
call him Kevin Bacon – says something like, “Shit, it’s the sharks again.”
Kevin Smith big says, “Guys, stop moving. We know they can hear us if we move.”
Kevin Bacon says, “We can’t just stand around here all
day. We’ve got to get to those cars.”
“No,” Kevin Smith big says, “We need to get to the
boats. Boats are safer.”
It’s at this point in the dream that I look out beyond the
parking lot and see a dock full of boats that had hitherto not been there.
“Why boats?” I asked.
“Because these are sharks. They belong in the water.” Kevin Smith big said.
In my dream this made perfect sense, even though every Jaws
movie I’ve ever seen has some boat getting torn apart by a shark that then
proceeds to eat everyone that had been in said boat.
So everyone is standing still, but we know it’s a losing
situation. We can hear the sharks
circling below us. Then Kevin Bacon
says, “No way, man, if we all move at once, as least some of us can get to the
boats.” But no one moves, not even Kevin
Bacon.
Then Kevin Smith little says, “Man, you just want us to move
so the sharks come for us. Then you can
make a run for it while we get eaten.”
Then we hear another sound and Kevin Bacon says something
like, “Screw this,” and he starts to run.
But he doesn’t make it more than a few feet when the square of sidewalk
he’s on juts up from the ground and he falls head first to the other side. In my dream we never see the shark because I
have a very low budget dream factory.
But we do see Kevin Bacon get dragged below ground kicking and
screaming.
At that point, Kevin Smith big and Kevin Smith little yell, “Now’s
our chance!” and they start to run.
Several others from the group of those I don’t know run as well. My kids look back at me, but I’m frozen in
fear. So they choose to stay still.
In the distance I hear some people get eaten and others get
to safety. Kevin Smith and Kevin Smith
both make it aboard a boat.
Finally, a little too late, my kids and I make a break for a
nearby boat. A shark gives chase, but we
make it in time. Sadly, the boat I chose
was in dry dock, so we aren’t exactly home free. The dream gets weird after that.
We find some paragliders in the boat’s
storage. I’ve been playing a lot of the
Legend of Zelda, Breath of the Wild, in which you use a paraglider a good
bit. So my kids and I use paragliders to
sail down from the boat, several hundred yards to the ocean, where once in the
water we are safe from the sharks.
Then my wife comes by in another boat and picks up and the
dream is over.
-The part of "First Guy Eaten By Sharks" was played by Kevin Bacon. Kevin Bacon was not actually in my dream last night, but I figured that since this was clearly a Tremors rip-off, and since Kevin Bacon was the main character of the first Tremors movie, he should have a role.
