Why do I try?

You can't win with banks. Don't even try. Even if you are right and everyone knows you are right you will lose.

"Yes sir, Mr. Fleming, you are clearly right. But you are wrong."

See, I had just received a call from my credit card company. I paid them a lot of money. Well over the amount they asked for.

"Mr. Fleming," a heavily accented voice said. "Our records show your account is past due. You owe us $63.00. If you do not make a payment in the next 5 days we will have to report it to your Credit Bureau. If you would like I can take a payment of $63.00 for you now and waive the $9.00 service fee."

"Ok," I said, "But I'd rather pay $150.00."

This conversation actually took about five minutes because I couldn't friggin understand the guy and I kept having to ask him to repeat himself. Now people, please don't think that because I live in the south I am intollerant of different people. Quite the contrary. I am usually extremely tollerant of different people. I actually like differences. But sometimes I think banks and their ilk use the least understandable people they can find to f* you into screwing up.

Anyway, I paid $150 because I knew that I was over my credit limit, but I couldn't remember how much.

So time passed (about 3 seconds) and I suddenly had a bad feeling. So I called the exact number back that had just called me. But the number went to the Atlanta Diabetes Association. I called the number 3 times and every time it went to the ADA.

So then I started to freak out. I've been the victem of identity theft before. The last think I needed was to lose $150.00. So I called the main number for my credit card. Luckily for me they did have a record of the previous call and my payment. But as I'm trying to get off the phone with the lady, who is trying to tell me all of the wonderful services WaMu has to offer over the phone, including free rectal stretching, when she says, "Now, unfortunately, Mr. Fleming, your most recent payment will not be enough to make you current."

"What's that?" said I.

"My records indicate that your account is $156.23 over your limit. We do appreciate your payment of $150.00, but if you account is not made current in five days then we will have to charge you a $39.00 over draft fee."

"Well, why didn't you guys tell me that?"

"I'm telling you that, sir."

"Yes, I understand that. But I just got off the phone with a guy who said I only needed to pay $63.00. Now you are telling me that I needed to pay $156.00 to stay current. Why didn't he say that?"

"Sir, he was just calling to collect a payment."

"I understand that," I said with fake calm. "But just now you very politely informed me that my payment was $6.00 from being what you needed to avoid a charge of $40.00..."

"I said 39."

"Fine. So you told me that an extra 6 dollars would save me $39 in the future. Why didn't that guy give me the same polite advice? I would have paid the extra $6.00."

"Yes sir. But he wasn't calling to bring your account below the limit. He was just trying to get a payment."

"So he is not bound by good customer service practices?"

"I don't know sir."

"You are Washington Mutual. You are supposed to be the bank that doesn't want to nickel and dime it's customers."

"Sir, it is not our fault that you are overdrawn."

"I'm not saying it is. But wouldn't it have been good customer service for him to tell me I could save $39 by paying an extra $6?"

"I don't know, sir."

"You don't know? Fine," I said, relenting. "Is there any way we can resolve this?"

"How do you mean, sir?"

"I mean, can I make a payment for $6.00 now?"

"You will still owe 23 cents, sir. We'll still have to charge you an overdraft fee."

"Then can I make a payment for $7.00 now?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"We cannot process a new payment until the last payment has cleared."

"How long will that take?"

"It should only take about 4 to 5 business days."

"But you told me I have to be current in 5 days."

"Yes sir, you do."

I didn't say anything. I let that last bit linger, hoping for some realization.

"Sir," she said. "If you call back when your payment has cleared we can look at your account and determine if we can do anything else for you."

"So then I might be able to make a $6.23 cent payment to make my balance current?"

"Yes, but there will be a $9.00 service fee."


****
I f-ing hate banks.