Your fortune?

So, it's official. Medical science has deemed that I can see into the future.

Actually, what my doctor said was, "Michael, you're far-sighted."

It was a metaphore.


Review:
LOOSING YOUR VISION:
C for Craptastic.

so there I was in the eye doctor room and she said, "Read the bottom line for me." and I did, because I'm a pro. and she said, "Now close your right eye." and I did. and I looked through the little mirror thingy and I saw V T Z X O. and she said, "Good, now read it with both eyes." and I did. and I saw V T E X C, and I knew she was a witch.

now, I don't think this was fair to test me like this because I didn't get to study. I don't do so well with pop quizzes. if I had been able to study I know I'd have gotten the E and probably the C.

then she made me read some more lines and I got them wrong also. but this was also not my fault on account of I might have been drunk. you never know.

then I had to look through this new fangled contraption with flippy circles of glass what made my eyes see righter. and she said, "Is that better?" and I said yes, though her hand never touched me. and she said, "Is that better still?" and I said, "Still it is." and we might have fallen into courtship, had I not been the married type, and had she not been great with age and a devil-woman, and had I been the slightest attracted to her.

then she said, "Kind sir, open your eyes so that I may light them ablaze." and against my own better judgement I did and so she did; whichn is why I was inclined to believe her a witch; a bride of the devil. so with only but a drop of some wicked water she made my eyes catch to fire, though they were not consumed. then she bade me go and view the spectacles in her room of waiting, while she tortured my wife for being lucky enough to have found me in the first place.

and thus I viewed eye-glasses until her devilish potion worked and I was blinded for nigh on four hours. and so she took me back into her lair when she had finished abusing my wife and she tried to have her way with me. and she shone lights into my eyes and I said, "Please, do not consume my innocent soul and descend into the hoary depths of the netherworld." and she said, "You're eyes are healthy Mr. Fleming. You can go."

and I did go. and I bumped into a lot of shit as I did. because I'd never had my eyes dilated before is why. and my wife had to drive.