Paranoia

I know that it’s probably just paranoia, but I always get suspicious when a car starts up right as I’m walking out of my building. Though I leave my office at an unconventional time I am certain that there must be ten or twenty other people who leave on or about the same time as I. Surely one of these could have made it to their car to ignite the engine just as I was stepping outside.

The fact that I frequently have to jump out of the path of cars careening in my direction is more a testament to the growing number of drivers sending text messages than it is a sign that someone is trying to hurt me. Right?

And when I’m running to my car – which I do most days as my mind has escaped the bonds of reason and can rarely be dissuaded from the ludicrous notions that I am in grave danger – it is pure coincidence that I hear bullets whizzing by my ears and ricocheting on the ground in front of me. No doubt they are not even bullets I hear, but swiftly moving birds or perhaps gravel kicked up by a passing bus. Those innocent bystanders who fall in a bloody heap are probably succumbing to the same psychological powers of suggestion that have caused my mind to loosen its grip on reality.

So, there’s nothing to worry about, right? This is normal and happens to all of you, dear readers, as well, yes?