Review - Tornadoes

TORNADOES:
F (as a fun thing to be involved in)
A (as a method of mass destruction)

So Atlanta was hit by Tornadoes. I think the last official count was 504 tornadoes. Or maybe it was just 4, I can't remember. Nobody died in the actual city, but a couple of people did in the rural areas that were hit outside of Atlanta. One woman's death was a bit troublesome. I mean, everyone dying is a tragedy, except Hitler... and anyone who hurts babies... But by and large, death is tragic. But the woman who died in the rural areas was inside her home. There was nowhere she could have gone to escape. Her house was utterly leveled. The grass outside stood higher than her walls.

There is a popular British saying that goes: Safe as Houses. It is supposed to mean that the thing being spoken of is very safe; a sure bet.

"What of the Stock Market today, Neigel?"
"Safe as houses, Declan!"

Why? Because houses are safe. They are a refuge from the storm; the place you want to be when the clouds roll in... if you live in England. I think Americans probably discarded that old saying when we explored the frontier of the American plains and saw our first funnel cloud lift a house off the ground and deposit it back in the earth like a meteorological acupuncturist.

"Hey Jed!"
"Yes, Jethro?"
"I was sure sorry to hear about that twister blowing yer house down."
"And my dawg."
"Oh, that's hard luck, Jed."
"Yep."
"Well, I have tuh tell ya. Some of those there pieces of wood from yer house blew over to my
cattle ranch and skewered three or four of my cows. I'm a gunna need you to pay me fer those there dead heifers."
"I reckon I do. But how can you tell that those there pieces of wood came from my house, and not Mayor Jesse's house? It blew down too, ya hear?"
"No, it was yer house. One of those there pieces uh wood had yer dog standin' on the end of it."
"Yer kiddin?"
"No, there he was, standing on a piece of wood, stickin outta old Bessie, one uh my best cows."
"So Old Blue is alive? He's alive?"
"Well, no, Jed. I had to hang him on account of his bein' a cow murderer."
"Aw, shucks, darnit, Jethro! Old Blue didn't kill that cow. The daggum ternado did."
"Well, I see that now."
"Why didn't you hang that twister before it swallowed up my home and my dog?"
"Well, Jed, I tried. Actually, I had one of my twelve boys do it. Jerico went out into the front lawn and threw a lasso right around that dust devil. And I'll be darned if it didn't pick Jerico up and toss him into the sky. He aint falled back yet."
"Well, what do I owe you for them there cows, then?"
"I reckon it's about a dollar."
"A dollar. How the sam-hell are you gonna charge me a dollar fer three cows?"
"Well, each cow is two bits. Two bits is a quarter dollar, and three of them is a dollar. Ya can't argue with the math, Jed."
"Aw, darnit!"


So, anyway, my house doesn't have a basement. That makes me nervous.