You Can Retire a MILLIONAIRE!!!!!!

You do not need to have a glamorous, high paying job to retire rich. All you have to do to retire a millionaire is follow these three simple rules:

1. Don't not have a job.
2. Don't do spend the money you earn on things you do or don't need.
3. Start investing as much of your earnings as possible thirty years ago.


Also, try and avoid these three common pitfalls to retiring wealthy:

1. Eating.
2. Having children.
3. Doing anything.


I'm thinking of writing a Financial Management book. I think I've finally figured out all of the secrets. Here are some common tricks that no one tells you about:

Be born rich.

That one seems pretty typical among the rich.

Also:

Be a huge dick.

Talk about how broke you are.

Bitch about how all of your tax dollars are going to help crack babies and teenage whore moms and say things like you already give enough to private organizations even though you know it's a lie.

Those also seems pretty common.

I think I have this down. I'll be rich before you know it.

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Review:
STUPID ADVICE TO MAKE MONEY THAT CAN'T HELP ANYONE:
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF*ckyou

yeah, duh? do you really freakin' think that anyone out there doesn't know that you have to save money if you want to save money? we aren't retarded out here.

I actually read an article on Yahoo yesterday that said it was easy to retire a millionaire. all you need to do is start saving money at age 26. my God! who gives the first shit about retirement at age 26? I didn't. and even if I had I didn't have any money. at age 26 I was lucky if I went a full month with all of my utilities on. the phrase, "Savings Account," was followed by ironic laughter in my house. and then the laughter was followed by tears.

but maybe I'm wrong. maybe, just maybe the average person out there makes tons of money, but they think the best way to invest it is to eat it and then flush it down the toilet.