Nightmare

Ok, I had this really weird dream last night. I was in a town that was mostly vast expanses of green - very subtle - hills. Every so often on the hills you'd see a home or structure of some kind. This dream mostly focused around a community center. It began in the evening with a carnival that had all of these wicked clowns and carnies. My kids huddled close by the entire night because they were afraid to be alone. Ironically, that was not the part that made it a nightmare. In truth, I'd probably have forgotten the dream if that had been all of it.

The day after the carnival was the town clean up. A group of citizens met at the community center to divide into smaller groups to go out and clean the area. This group was made up almost entirely of people I know or have known. Current friends, relatives and old school mates from as far back as fourth grade all gathered around to clean this town. So the groups got paired off and one lady, who if memory serves was in my fourth grade class, said, "I don't want to go with the troll."

"Well, he has to be in a group," the leader said.

"Then put him in a different one," she said, which caused a general murmuring from the other groups.

I started looking around to see who this troll was. I couldn't see anything that fit the bill, but it did seem that everyone in the group knew what she was talking about.

"Fine," she said to the general rumbled of disagreement, "Then put me in a different group. I just don't want to be with the troll." And with that last statement she pointed directly to me. I turned around to look behind me, but I was relatively alone.

"Me?" I asked.

She looked back at me for half a second then turned away. "Ugh," she groaned. "I can't even look at you."

"Why am I a troll?"

She looked to the empty space that was just to the left of me. "You're short," she said as if it was the worst of the qualities. "You're ugly." She paused as if she was searching for another reason. "You're stupid."

"I'm not stupid," I said.

"Shut - up" she spat. "You greasy, hairy troll."

"Good grief," I said. Then the reality started to sink in. No one was coming to my defense. "Wait. Does everyone feel this way?"

I looked around the crowd, which included my friends and family mind you, and there was a general shuffling of noncommittal feet.

"Who hear thinks I'm a troll?"

A few people turned away. "Seriously," I said. "Let's get this out in the open. Who here thinks I'm a short... ugly... stupid..." I was adding slight pauses mostly because I was somewhat shocked by the whole situation, "Greasy..." I continued and someone who's voice sounded heart-breakingly familiar interjected, "Annoying..." Then someone said, "Pasty..." then "Whiney..." So I paused for another moment to let anyone else speak up. Finally I continued, "...hairy troll? Raise your hand and be honest."

To my horrible dismay everyone raised their hands. A few friends were slow to raise their hands, but everyone did.

Luckily, my best friend, who DID raise his hand that he thought I was a troll, didn't think I was so horrible that he couldn't pick up trash with me. So I spent the rest of the day walking around picking up trash with the knowledge that everyone in the town thought I was a troll.

At one point we came across the leader of the clean up. He was giving instructions to the team. While he was talking I became aware that he was shorter than I and quite obviously greasier. He had a high pitched voice, but I didn't know if it would be considered whiny. And try as I might I could not describe him as ugly.

Other people throughout the day fit one or many of the horrible descriptions that were given me, but no one fit all and so I was forced to acquiesce that they were not as trollish as I.

So the town in my dream determined that I was a troll. And that town was made up of friends and family. The only person that wasn't there was my wife. So she's off the hook. But everyone else did.

So all you bastards owe me an apology.