Hey you.

If you were to hear a person shout down an alley, or across a parking lot, "Hey you!" You'd probably think something bad was about to happen. I know I would. I might even be tempted to pretend I didn't hear the sound, or that the yeller was calling for anyone but me. It's just an aggressive phrase when shouted. So easily replaced by the less aggressive, "Hey, Mr." or, "Dude," that when I hear it I assume the person calling is wanting to mince words. And mincing words usually winds up with a fist in the eye. Usually their fist in my eye.

But the phrase isn't always aggressive. If it is not shouted it can be quite sweet. Said just right it can be down right provocative. Here is a scene to imagine:

You are single and in college. You are in a department store, shopping for Christmas presents that your lazy friends probably don't deserve, when you back up into someone. You immediately turn around and you see that hot girl from class. You know, the one that's always looking at you. The one that sits two seats away from you, and whenever someone arrives late to class she always says, "Here, take my seat," and scoots to the seat next to yours. The girl that you find yourself thinking about when you are alone in your apartment eating Ramen Noodles and watching Star Trek reruns, wishing for some reason that you were back in class. Anyway, you turn around to say, "Excuse me," and it's that girl. And instead of excuse me you say nothing. Then she puts her hand on your shoulder in a gentle, I'm your friend, but perhaps I want to be more, kind of way and says, "Hey, you."

See, "Hey, you" can be very sweet. Imagine that "hey you" in this scenario, which, incidentally, I was just in:

You are totally a guy. You are walking down the hall to the elevators and you see a guy turn the corner. You recognize him as the guy that works in the office down the hall, who is always nicely dress, shirts pressed, colors coordinated, coiffure properly maintained and clean. You make eye contact as you pass and he says, "Hey, you," in that sweet, aforementioned way. Only you are a guy and heterosexual.

So what, my readers, is that supposed to mean?