Letter 21

So I'm sorry about that ad. It was lame. The next ad I liked a lot, though it was significantly smaller. Incidentally, I have no idea where I-95 is, or if it exists.

LETTER 21:

Dear [adult swim],

So I went to the dentist today. Not much to report except that my dentist is a babe. By that I mean that she is an intelligent and successful woman, who also happens to be attractive. Anyway, this babe had her hands in my mouth for half an hour. It's not the traditional beginning of a romance, but traditional romance blows.

When she sat down next to me she recognized me immediately. I thought she must have recognized me from my illustrious singing career, which happens quite a bit, but it turns out we went to high school together.

Anyway, while she was elbow deep in my mouth she commendted on what a good brusher I am. She said it shows that I know what I'm doing. "Not too hard, not too soft," she said. It was clear that she wanted me. Then, just as I thought she was about to kiss me, she said, "Still, you have nine cavities."

"Aaaaahaah?" I asked as she was waist deep in my mouth, slamming one of my wisdom teeth with a twelve pound maul.
"What?" she asked, pulling out of me.
"Nine?" I asked again.
"Well, yes," she said. "Only two of them need filling, and I'd like to take out that wisdom tooth, but yeah, nine. The other six just need to be watched. And you could stand to floss more."
"But I thought you said I was a good brusher," I said. "I thought we had something."

She laughed so I laughed too. It was clear to me that she was disturbed. Who gets nine cavities? She must have been a compulsive liar. Except when she said she wanted me.

It woudn't have worked between us anyway, what with me being married. She was just your typical dentist home-wrecker. I should have spotted it the moment I saw her.

signed

Ps. I can't wait to have my cavities filled.


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Where everyone smokes.
Just take I-95 until it hurts.