Anonymouses/Letter 5

Yay! I got a whole bunch of posts and comments and such. Wonderful.

Some of the anonymous posts still seem a bit off to me. Two or three repeat over and over and leave me wondering if the poster even looked at the site. I have my theories about this, but I will keep them to myself so my therapist will not up my medication.

And of course I definitely got some legit posts. Thank you to all of my viewers. And your comments have been heard. I will get some graphics and pics up asap, probably by the weeks end. I'm here to entertain.

Letter 5:

Dear [adult swim],

Sometimes I dream that I'm a woman, but only when I'm on my period.

I am not terribly superstitious; I don't believe that random events or numbers tell anything about my future or past. Still when my new Georgia license plate read: 666 SON OF THE DEVIL, it gave me pause.

I know this isn't exactly classy, but my cats had a vomit festival last night. It was horrible. It's not like we left them alone or changed their food or anything. They just all decided to throw up at once. Now I have this nauseating Technicolor spotted carpet.

And of course I would find it in the dark with my bare feet. I think there must be a subset of Murphy's Law that deals with cat vomit. There weren't that many piles of cat yak, but I think I hit them all. I stepped in one, then jumped from the shock of the cold wet on my warm, dry foot, and landed in another pile. I didn't want to leave any vomit footprints so I walked to the light switch on my heels. Then, sure enough, I stuck my heel in another liquidy pile of hair and Science Diet.

I'm not allowed to give out specific information on my clients to the general public. I would be violating their privacy rights. However, in this case the client I had to deal with was clearly wacked out of her ever-lovin' mind. And it would be a disservice to you, the public, if I did not warn you. So I will let you know, in the most general terms I can, of what to look for.

If you come across a woman... who is from an area in the state of Georgia... who has a certain amount of education that is higher than low... and who speaks English... she may be a psycho bitch.

There are some warning signs. If she looks perfectly normal and speaks as though she has at some time in the past heard someone speak with proper grammar, and if she otherwise would appear sane, she is loco. Either run from her or call the cops. Do not engage her in conversation. Because she wants your boss to fire you even though you did all you could to resolve her problem which had absolutely nothing to do with your job, or even your company for that matter. And don't, under any circumstances, try and tell her she has contacted the wrong Department. She will very calmly, and for about two hours, with wide, crazy eyes, tell you how you are wrong and insist that she speak with the Commissioner.

signed
May 11, 2006

Ps. Please let me introduce you to Commissioner Foot!