commercials

I actually don't mind commercials; they can be pretty entertaining. But I hate it when radio DJs do commercials and try to disguise it as regular conversation. That drives me crazy.

"Hey, did I tell you I bought a dog this weekend?"
"No, you didn't. That's so sweet. Here I never really pegged you as the kind of person who really cared about other living things, but you got a dog. How sweet!"
"Yeah. I named it Buddy."
"It? You don't know if Buddy is a boy or a girl? What kind of dog is Buddy?"
"That doesn't matter. What does matter is that I only feed Buddy Purina One dog food."
"Oh, sh-beep-t."
"But I go above and beyond with my Buddy. I don't just feed it Purina One. I feed it Purina One seventeen times a day. Because I want Buddy to grow up to be a big, strong dog. When Buddy thinks he's done eating after three bowls I say, 'No,' and force him to eat at least two more. We go through at least two bags a week, and you should too. In fact, because Purina One dog food is so good for your dogs you should buy more dogs. Go out and get four or five dogs just show you can increase the health of the nations dogs by feeding them good old Purina One. Feed it to your kids to. I eat it myself. It's yummy. Purina One."
"I'm your co-host, you dick. You could have at least let me in on the commercial."
"I didn't want to share the commission."
"Ass."
"Purina One."


Man I hate those commercials. Almost as bad are the song commercials that are written to sound like the genre your radio station plays. You'll be driving along listening to the music and then a song will come on and you'll think, "I haven't heard this yet. It must be one of the three new songs the radio station is going to play this year. It sounds kinda like, well no, it can't be them because the guitar is a bit too clean, but it could be, no the singers voice is too gravelly, but is does sound like they're trying to be like... wait. Did the singer just say Budweiser? Oh shit. It's another damn commercial."


Anyway, I hate shit like that. It makes me so mad that I get all tied up in knots. And the only thing that can relax me and put me in a cool frame of mind is an ice cold
Coca-Cola Classic.
Poured into a tall glass with ice, the fizz is like a choir of angels singing to my ears alone. It's like liquid gold flowing over my tongue and down my throat to my belly. Have an ice cold Coke with your lunch today.