Campaign 4

Well, Campaign 4 began a bit half heartedly. I am very happy it is underway, but I really wanted to have all of my letters written before I started it. That way I would be at least relatively certain that the campaign would actually finish; not just stop abruptly as it has the last two campaigns. The good news, however, is I have well over two thirds of the letters written that I wanted to write. I'm sure I will be able to finish them between now and the time the letters I have written run out. [fingers crossed]

That said, let us begin with letter 1.

Letter 1,

Dear [adult swim],

My wife, the one with the boyfriend and the really expensive tastes, made a New Year's resolution for 2007. This resolution was based, so she says, on a revelation. And the revelation was based on a realization, which was based on a general awareness of "the way things are," and a logical reasoning for how things got that way.

The general awareness of "the way things are" is that we "don't have any money." Not that having no money is easy for anybody, but it is particularly difficult for those people who are in the position of wanting a lot of it. And, incidentally, worse for thos who are married to those who are in the position of wanting money and finding that they have none.

My wife's reasoning for our being in this position of having no money ws that "I was lazy."

Apparently my wife had been watching E! a bunch in December, along with VH1 and MTV, which is odd because we do not have cable, and in her viewings she had seen many rags to riches stories. The gist of each story was that a great person eventually got tired of being in a miserable state and so they endeavored, by was of busting their asses, to overcome. Thus her realization was that adversity equals Dolce and Gabbana.

Her revelation, therefore, was that I must not be miserable or I would be producing a whole lot more quality work. I actually found this last part to be endearing, as I would never have guessed that she thought I was capable of quality work. I almost teared up.

So her resolution was that she should be meaner to me.

Michael
February 23, 2007

Ps. I could really use a job that will keep me away from home a lot more.