Bonus Letter

I actually never sent the following letter. One day last week I was hit with a sudden surge of creativity and I wrote three letters. Now I know these letters are short and hardly qualify as writing, but it is actually kind of hard to condense something funny onto a single page of paper.

On this day I had three separate letters all roughly page length. But one did not get sent. The reason for it was, well, this letter was a little bit political, and a lot insensative. I still thought it was funny, but I accept the idea that some might find the subject matter insensative or mean.

I will let the reader decide. Should I have sent this letter or not? Please feel free to vote by responding and explaining why I am a jerk for even considering this letter, or why I am a puss for not sending it at all.

BONUS LETTER:

Dear [adult swim],

You know, life has gotten pretty hard since I grew up. Things were so much easier when I was a kid, and I think I have figured out the difference. When I was a kid cigarette companies were still pretending that smoking was ok. I'm pretty sure that is the only difference, and it is clearly causing all the problems in the world. I know we are saving lives from cancer, but are they all worth it? And think of all the lives we could save if everyone was allowed to calm down with a cigarette. People are too tense.

Sadly it is hard to unlearn something, especially if it's true, like cigarettes being for you. But I think there is a man who can do the job of making us forget. I propose Karl Rove go to work for the cigarette companies. If anybody can change the nations mind about this product, Karl can.


PRESS CONFERENCE:
Karl: As it turns out, America, cigarettes don't cause cancer.
Reporter 1: But clinical studies show that smoking cigarettes can cause...
Karl: Sure, smoking them can. But who ever said to smoke them?
Reporter 2: Every smoking add ever run has said to smoke them.
Karl: People, don't believe what is obviously true, believe what I tell you.
Reporter 3: If cigarettes aren't for smoking what are they fore?
Karl: They are for collecting. From now on every cigarette will be printed on multi colored designer paper. And each pack will also contain Hero Cards. They are like Baseball Cards, but they show pictures of people who have died of cancer. Collect them all!


Scene: A hot summer day and several kids are gathered around a picnic table at a baseball field. A pile of multi-colored cigarettes sits in the middle of the table as the kids flip through their Hero Cards.
Kid 1: I got Gilda Radner, ovarian cancer.
Kid 2: I got Andy Kaufman, lung cancer.
Kid 3: I got Tom Green, testicular cancer.
Kid 2: Oh please. He died way before he got cancer.

Then walks in a teenager in blue jeans, Converse All Stars, a white T-shirt, and shaggy hair. He picks up a cigarette, lights it and starts smoking.
Kid 3: What are you doing?
Teen: This is what these things are for.

Instantly a hot girl walks up and starts making out with Teen. The kids just stare and the scene cuts to black.

signed

Ps. [let me work for you]