Letter 11

I know I have already posted two letters today, but I'm feeling a bit rebellious. I'm kinda mad at my wife for constantly hogging the computer lately. Tonight, when I got home, she was using two computers. What does she need two computers for?

So anyway, I'm posting Letter 11 in defiance of her never letting me use the computer anymore. Actually, she never made the rule that I should only post one letter a day. I made that rule. So really I'm only defying myself. But it will still surprise her. She will get on this blog and she will see that she and I are united in defying me. It might piss her off so bad that she actually becomes subserviant, but I doubt it. In truth I wouldn't want a subserviant wife anyway. I'd just like one that lets me use the computer once in a damn while.

Who am I kidding, she's never gonna visit this site. No one else does. (All say boo hoo!)

LETTER 11:

Dear [adult swim],

I was clearly bored as I have ever been. I sat on my couch staring at the wall; nothing to do. Then with a puff of smoke an elf appeared before me.

"Hello," he said enthusiastically.
"Hey," I clipped.
"I sensed that you might be bored," he said, "And that you might be looking for a change of direction."
"Maybe," I said.
"What if I told you that I could give you a life of adventure, or a life of magic, or a life of riches?"
"I dunno. What do I have to do?"
"All you have to do is open a book."
"Wait a second," I said, "Is this one of those public service announcements where you try to tell me how cool it is to read, like that Captain O.G. Readmore?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Quite sure," he said. "All you have to do is pick a book from my library and open it up. You will instantly be transported into the book and you will live the life of it's hero."
"For how long?" I asked.
"Well, that is the catch," he said. "You will live in the book for all of eternity, but you will be living the wonderful life of its protagonist."
"So I'll get to live forever?"
"Indeed," he said.

I looked around my house. It wasn't so bad. A couple of nice cats. Some great furniture. A brand new carpet. "I don't know," I said. At that moment one of my cats hacked a fur-ball onto the carpet, three of my lights burned out, and my dining room table fell over. "Ok," I said.

The elf showed me to his library of books. They were all beautifully leather bound and glowed slightly. None, however, bore a title. I grabbed one off the shelf. "I think you will like that one," he said.

I opened the book and magical music started to play. Instantly my soul was sucked in and before I knew it I was in a room very much like my den. In fact, it was my den. It even had my two cats. Then a disembodied voice said, "This is your story. Enjoy." And it faded away.

At that moment one of my cats hacked a fur-ball onto the carpet, three of my lights burned out, and my dining room table fell over. I was actually in the story of my very own life. I'm pretty sure there was supposed to be some kind of lesson in this, but I really just felt ripped off.

signed