Letter 15

I don't really have anything special to say today. To date no one has discovered my site. I will be patient and wait for that one person who discovers it, and tells all of their friends how funny I am. That should be tomorrow. To that person I gladly pledge my thanks. I'd give you $20 bucks, but I'm afraid you'll just spend it on crystal meth, and I don't want to contribute to the problems of our youth. Get a job if you want to take drugs like the rest of us.

That last sentence didn't come out exactly as I meant it to.

LETTER 15:

Dear [adult swim],

This evening my wife told me that some of my recent letters to you have been "kinda deep" with "hidden meaning." I know she only said this to hurt me. I think she's jealous of you. I mean really, "deep and meaningful?" That's so Alanis Morrisette, or worse, Sting.

So to prove that I am totally rock and roll, this letter will be written as a song. Please sing the rest of this letter with guitar and drum background.

Chorus:
I'm a desperate rider.
I'm a desperate rider.
I'm a desperate rider.
(guitar lick).

Verse:
When I jump in my car, babe I'm lookin' for you.
Cut off my fingers.
You know I'm flyin' high, unless I'm comin' down.
Did I just cut off my fingers?

Chorus:
I'm a desperate rider.
I'm a desperate rider.
I'm a desperate rider.
(guitar lick).

Verse:
When the cops are behind us it's too late to slow down.
I didn't renew my tags.
We are the Duke boys. we'll clear the ravine easy.
I don't know how to swim.

Chorus:
I'm a desperate rider.
I'm a desperate rider.
I'm a desperate rider.
(guitar lick).

Bridge:
In your eyes I can tell you have already left me.
You are in an alpha state induced by my hypnotism.
You will stay with me forever, and when I snap my fingers
You will bark like a dog, and we will laugh.


Chorus:
I'm a desperate rider.
I'm a desperate rider.
I'm a desperate rider.
(guitar lick).
Yeah!

signed

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