Letter 19

I've fallen behind, so I'm going to post some of these letters with no introduction. If you don't like them suck it.

You really shouldn't say things like that, as my wife learned this week. My daughter was complaining and my wife was in a determined, but playful mood. So she said, "Don't like it? Suck it!" And my five year old daughter responded by saying, "You suck it."

I'd laugh at the irony if it wasn't my daughter.

LETTER 19:

Dear [adult swim],

I have a dentist appointment on Wednesday. Naturally I have spent the last 48 hours flossing my teeth over and over to try and catch up on times I've missed. And I may have brushed a little bit more than prescribed. Now my gums are a tad bit swollen, but they feel clean and healthy.

So guess what today would naturally be? That's right, Girl Scout Cookie day. Those little tramps are trying to kill me. They want my teeth to fall out and my arteries to clog up with their little Tagalongs. They ought to be ashamed. They're weakening our country with their capitalism. And their sugar. And their peanut buttery, yummy Tagalongs. Those bitches.

When I was in Cub Scouts we didn't sell anything anyone wanted. We barely learned anything. I learned how to make a wind chime from scrap metal and fishing line. I didn't learn to fish. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Give him some fishing line and he can make a wind chime. And the next time a tornado comes that wind chime becomes the spinning nunchucks of death.

Run Girl Scout, run! The wicked witch of the west is flying after you with her crazy nunchucks. You can't escape it Girl Scout Cookie girl.

signed

Ps. Is it wrong to have a giant Nestles Crunch set aside for immediately after my dentist appointment?


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