Letter 9

In case I didn't already explain this, I have put a piece of clip art at the bottom of every letter. Some of them have been unrelated and some of them have been hand drawn by me. For example, the letter where I played in the band White Spider I used a piece of clip art that was a couch, but I spiced it up by drawing a hole behind the couch with cheers pouring out of it. It is hardly worth mentioning, except that I do mention it in Letter 9, and I didn't want you to feel like you were 'out of the loop,' which of course you are.

LETTER 9:

Dear [adult swim],

Ok, so there are some things that are bothering me. It did not slip my notice that in my last letter I spelled "leveled" with two ls, but it was done in pen, and the day was almost over, and I had already started that letter over three times. I also realize that I did not have a cute piece of clip art on Wednesday's letter. There wasn't really room, and I kinda wanted a picture of an elephant vampire. Believe it or not Word does not have such a clip. Not even an elephant Wolverine. I assumed there'd be at least three of those, but no. Anyway these things have bothered me and I wanted to apologize.

It's just the way my week is going. Tuesday my wife had a fight with her boyfriend. She was complaining about something he had said when they were bowling. At first I was excited about the idea of them fighting, but she just kept wanting to talk to me about it. She kept going on and on with no end in sight. Finally I told her she must have misunderstood him, and I assured her that he would never mean to hurt her. She seemed consoled by this and I was happy to finally get some quiet. Marriage is about sacrifice.

But the worst was yesterday. If you knew my boss this would be funnier. About a month ago he comes to me and says, "Here are the business rules for some reports I made. I.T. is finished building them, now I want you to take control of them."
"Ok, so what do I do?" I asked.
"Just make sure that everyone who needs the reports gets one."

So yesterday he comes to me and says, "There's a Director's meeting tomorrow I need you to go to. You have to explain why your reports are giving inaccurate numbers."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"The assistant Commissioner was very embarrassed yesterday," he said gravely, "When one of the Directors pointed out that your reports were not accurate."
"But they aren't my reports. I just distribute them."
"You cannot distribute inaccurate reports," he said emphatically. "You must be an example to the field."
I shrugged. "Ok, but I haven't noticed any inaccuracies."
"Here's the report," he said, handing me a single sheet of paper. "The numbers are clearly wrong."
I took the paper. I'm sure I had a puzzled look. "This is an Excel spreadsheet."
"Yeah?" he said.
"Yeah," I said back. "It isn't my report. It isn't even for my program."
He considered this for a full 20 seconds. "Well, I still want you to go to the Director's meeting and explain the discrepancies." Then he walked away.

signed

Ps. I know you would never do this to me.