Shameful

Last night I did something that I am ashamed of. It was late and I needed to stay up to work on this stupid stupid stupid report for my job and I wanted to have something playing in the background. Well, I haven't had the cable turned on since we moved because I owe money to the company and I can't pay it right now, so we all pretty much just watch videos and DVDs whenever we want to watch TV. So I went looking through my DVD collection and found nothing that I was interested in. Then I checked out our old video collection. Most of the newer flicks in that stack, like Star Wars Episode 1, the Matrix, etc. I've seen so many times that I simply wasn't interested. Then I saw a movie that I am ashamed to admit I have.

Why this movie is out where children and guests could happen upon it, or worse, accidentally watch it, I have no idea. If it were discovered I'm not sure how I would explain it. It is the kind of thing that would forever alter a child's opinion of his parent. It is the kind of thing you definitely don't want your minister knowing you have.

Still, the compulsion was too great to resist. When it is late, and I am tired, these moral questions get fuzzy; hard to answer. I said "NO" to this film twice and went back to blankly staring at the other videos and DVDs. But in my mind I kept thinking, "the wife and kids are in bed... the curtains are drawn... why not?"

I picked it up and let the video slide out of its deceptive cover. I looked over my shoulder. I thought I heard a footstep upstairs and I quickly slid the video back in its case. Then I heard a meow and I knew it was safe. I turned the TV on and immediately turned the volume down. Then I slipped the video in the VHS player and it automatically kicked in.

I sat down on the couch and told myself, "I'm probably not going to enjoy this anyway." Once you've seen this kind of flick they kind of lose their appeal. The pretty women, the bad acting... they grate on your nerves once the passion and thrill is lost in the repitition. Well, not the pretty women. They are still very pretty. But the bad acting is OH SO BAD. Still, I had a tiny bit of excitement, if you know what I mean, when the first scene opened up. I was already anticipating the next scene and the next.

Oh the scenery was worse than I remembered. The hair dos were just God-awful. And the acting was as bad as I had anticipated. But there were some high points... and then there was the main hotty, with her perfect lips... I was getting anxious.

The guilty pleasure. I will never be able to tell my wife that I watched this. I mean, she knows we have it. The video is actually hers. I have a very progressive wife, in certain respects. But I don't think I can tell her. If she reads it here, it will be the only way she will find out that I watched Kevin Costner's Robin Hood.

Oh, the most shameful part of the whole ordeal was I loved every minute of it. Sure Kevin's acting was bad, but so was Christian Slater's and a host of the second string actors. But Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio is drop dead gorgeous in this movie. And, well, I hardly took my eyes off the TV. I watched all the way through the Brian Adams video at the end. "Yeah, I die for yoooooooooooooooooou... You know it's true. Everything I do. Oh oh oh. I do it for you." When it was over it was after midnight and I had barely touched my report for work. I had to stay up till 1 to finish it.

Please readers... Please don't think less of me.