And the winner is...

Monday night.

Nobody guessed Monday night. Well, I did, but I kinda have special knowledge, it being me and all. So since I don't count then nobody wins the bet. Sorry guys. Perhaps I'll get some complimentary prizes out there some day.

After lunch on Monday I started to feel not so right. Then Monday night I couldn't bring myself to eat or drink. Something told me it would be a mistake. So I went to bed feeling kinda sea sick.

Then at 2am I was awakened by a knee-wobbling urge to use the bathroom. It was not pretty. And it wasn't pretty 20 minutes after that, or 20 minutes after that when I repeated the first installment. By morning I was fairly certain that there was nothing in my digestive system.

There was no throwing up, though. Only throwing down.

Today I have slept most of the day. But I have managed to eat a whole bagel, one bite every 30 minutes or so, and a small bowl of apple sauce. I'm sticking to the BRAT (bananas, rice, apple sauce, toast) diet until my stomach doesn't hurt. Technically a bagel isn't toast, but my stomach seemed to accept it.

Oh, credit to the Mrs. on the BRAT diet. Everything I know about medicine I get from her and a friend. Between the two of them I can hardly get away with feeling sick.

"Man," I might say to my friend, "I think I have appendicitis."
"You don't have appendicitis."
"I think I do."
"No, your appendix is on the other side."
"Then what could it be?"
"Isn't that where I hit you yesterday?"
"Oh yeah."
"Yeah."

Or I might say, "Sweetheart, I think I have cancer."
"Oh yeah, where?"
"I don't know where. I just feel bad."
"Hmm. That's a sham. I mean, a shame."
"I'm serious baby. My feet are killing me."
"Oh. You have cancer of the feet?"
"You kid, but my feet hurt."
"Let me see them... Oh my. Have you thought about clipping those toe nails in the last four or five months?"
"Very funny."
"Seriously, where is this cancer supposed to be?"
"You have to rub around the soles. You'll feel it. It's there. Just rub around. It might take some time."
"I've gotta go cook dinner. Shame about that foot cancer though. That's a hard one to beat."
"Is it really? You think I have it. I mean, I was kidding, but you really thing I have it?"
"Probably."

No one loves me.

Hopefully I'll be able to go into work tomorrow. As it is I've missed 4 days in January. And I was so out of it this morning that when I called in to my boss I gave him my work number to contact me if he needed me and I told him that there was work I could do at home, which I honestly believed at the time there was, but now that I am awake and bit more aware I realize totally isn't true.