Letter 5

Dear [adult swim]

I learned to juggle in college. That's a skill I can bring to the job, if you're interested.

I don't remember why I decided to learn to juggle. I just wanted to. I didn't really think it would help me as a performer; I never really wanted to be a clown. And something told me it wouldn't work itself into a musical gig.

Still, I thought if I could learn to juggle I could do anything. And I did. So then I decided to raise a body from the dead. And I did that too. His name was Nathan.

Nathan hung around for about three years. At first I was all excited about being around him because it was totally cool to hang with the undead. We'd go to parties and he'd make jokes about being a stiffy, and all the drunk girls would laugh. But after the first semester the cool really started to wear off.

"Hey man, you wanno go get drunk?" he'd ask.
"No. I don't really feel like it."
"Well, do you wanna go on-line and get in a chat room, then pretend to be a woman and get some guy to jerk off?"
"Um... no... I gotta test to study for."
"I've got a porno."
"I really need to study."
"Come on, we can make fun of the acting. It's mostly men, but I didn't know that when I bought it."
"I'm going to the library."

By the second year things had really gotten weird. One day I walked in on Nathan lying fully clothed, side by side in bed with a guy named Bunjwa.

"What's going on?" I asked.
"Nothing," Nathan said. "Nuh-sing," Bunjwa said.
"This is Bunjwa," Nathan said. "Bun-jwa!" Bunjwa shouted.
"Ok..." I said.
"He's a foreign exchange studen. We have a lot in common." ("Co-mon!")
"Ok..." I said.
"He's undead too." ("Bun-jwa!")
"That's great," I said trying to be supportive. "Is there something you want to tell me? About you and... other men?"
"Other men? What?" he stuttered and paused. "Dude I totally slept with that chick you like last night. Kimberly. I did her all kinds a ways and sideways. She said she likes you but she couldn't help but do me. I made her cry. I hope that's cool?"
"Who?" I asked. "You mean Kim? I don't like her. She's an idiot and I think she has Hepatitis."
"Oh. Well, who do you like now?"
"Bun-jwa! Dick-weet! Loo-sir!" Bunjwa shouted.

Michael
February 27, 2007