Letter 21

Dear [adult swim],

Yesterday one of the office secretaries said that I was elitist. I mean, she didn't just walk up to me, slap me on the face, spit in my eye, and say, "You elitist bastard!" or anything. It was conversational. I made a joke about being elitist and she said something like, "That's so true," but the way she said it indicated she wasn't joking. So I said, "I'm not elitist!" and she stopped laughing. Then there was this long stupid silence and she said in a high, fake-ish voice, "Awkward." Then she said, "Oh come on. you don't even try to hide it. You're totally an elitist." Then I looked hurt so she said, "But it's in a cute way."

I don't need her condescension!

When I got home I told my wife about it and she said, "It sounds like the secretary has you pegged."

I'm better than both of them.

Michael
March __, 2007

Ps. You can't catch an STD from going to a prostitute in your dreams, can you? I mean, no matter how skanky she was, she was still just a dream, right? It just doesn't make any sense.

Pps. It was my friend who wanted to know about the STD thing.